A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
