it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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