Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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