I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
