Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
