Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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