i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
