Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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