so that wasnt chicken after all
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
