Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
