No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
