So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
