we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
