Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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