The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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