i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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