So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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