Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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