Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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