1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
