So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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