I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize