I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize