Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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