Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
