Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize