Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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