She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
