Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
