I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
