It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
