found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize