I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
