I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
