yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
