i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
