Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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