By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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