so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Randomize
