I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
