community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
