no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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