I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
