UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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