Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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