Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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