i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
