So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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