honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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