I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
