only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
