I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I checked into jail on foursquare
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
