i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
