apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
