How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How drunk are you?
Completed.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
