guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
