I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
