You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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