loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
