hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
