At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
