Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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