I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
